Undergoing unique professional training, I engage in a number of exercises designed to engender self-reflection and existential growth. A month or so ago, our class did a "death exercise," which explored our thoughts and wishes in regards to our own personal passing. A horrific or senseless assignment? Not at all. On the contrary, it directly confronts the unmentionable: we all face mortality.
One of the most fascinating and burdensome aspects of the assignment surfaced when we were asked how we preferred to die. For example, there were options of "short painful" or "unexpectedly but painless" or "long and painless." Essentially, there was a polar opposite for each choice. My first instinct brought me to "long and painless" ... to know ahead of time, possess time to accomplish existential meaning because I would be aware of such an inevitable fate. Indeed, those diagnosed with cancer frequently garner an empowerment toward life and consequently live passionately.
But I am already aware of my inevitable fate. A diagnosis may simply shorten the clock (then again, maybe not, who knows). Additionally, it would bring death to the forefront of existence. Being fully cognizant of death right now, why do I need a diagnosis to live passionately? I have a diagnosis: as a human, I will die. Thus, a seemingly simple exercise wrapped my mind and spirit in tangles. Ultimately, I believe I was pulled toward an "easy" route out: no pain, and plenty of time to really dig into life. The difficulty remains in living passionately now, regardless, simply out of appreciation for being. "Life can longer be postponed"
Hello again. You have actually covered two topics here; life and death. One thing I learned when my son was on chemo is that none of us are promised tomorrow. None of us, so I tell my children every day that I love them, just in case it is my last day.
ReplyDeleteIn my life, the bridge between life and death is my desire to die with no regrets. Since that is how I wish to die, it then dictates how I live. In examining this goal, I again, have to look at all the children who underwent chemo and the lesson they taught me. These brave, sick children died with more courage than most healthy adults have in living. And so I learned that in order to live passionately, we need to live fearlessly. Christ spoke some very profound truths but because He stated them so simply, they get overlooked. One of the biggest truths He spoke was "God did not give us a spirit of fear." So how do we get past the fear? Faith. I have a blog here too about my unique views on life and the Christian tradition. I invite you to explore.
gently,laura